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  • Jeff Goodrich

We Just Want to be Wanted

UNWANTED -- How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing (by Jay Stringer)



There’s a song by OneRepublic that I’ve thought about often. The chorus for Wanted goes like this:

I just wanna be wanted, oh . . . I could use a little love sometimes

I just need to be needed, oh . . . Like to know I'm crossin' someone's mind


I could not help thinking of this song as I read through this compelling book. Stringer masterfully explains how our lack of feeling wanted often plays out in our lives by way of unwanted sexual behaviour. There isn’t usually much value in placing blame and pointing fingers, but in understanding, we can often uncover a path toward change and improvement.


We tend to blame ourselves rather than study the conditions and relationships that most

inform our sexual struggles. I am asking you to consider the possibility that your sexual

struggle is not random. Could there be dynamics in your family, community, and culture

that contributed to your contamination? (Stringer)


The author is a clinical counsellor and a minister that writes this book with the support of a detailed study of 3800 survey respondents. I love a good data-driven examination! There are a lot of sexually broken people out there. I can’t help but think about a $97 billion dollar pornography industry that has capitalized on this – heartbreaking. I’ve worked with many people who are mired in the shame and self-deprecation that comes along with this. This book strives to help people understand and appreciate the gift of sex instead – a great approach. I probably haven’t done this book justice. It really is well-written.


Heads up: Stringer is a minister and he doesn’t shy away from his Christian values. I know that will bother some – but trust me, there is much to learn from this book. Give it a chance!

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